Kingdoms of Amalamadingdong

*snores loudly*

*jolts awake* Fuck Kingdoms of Amalur Reckoning!

Oh, it's you. Hi!

So, Kingdoms of Etc. It's an open world action RPG that's sort of a deformed hybrid of Fable 2 and Skyrim. And I've never finished it.

It's not because it's difficult, because it isn't. It's not because of a bad story, because the story is quite good.

It's because it bores me to death.

Or, rather, the game itself doesn't bore me to death by definition, it just vastly overstays its welcome, like if my father visited for any time whatsoever measurable by science.

Let me explain:

It is a pretty good RPG, if hugely generic. It's bog standard, but fairly competent. And it works.

For awhile.

The problem is that the game is very very long, suggestive tone of voice optional. The character I've played the most clocks in at 109 hours or so, and the end was nowhere in sight..

"Ah, but..." says the FBI agent monitoring my activities ever since "The Event" took place, "...you like long games; you've played Skyrim for yonks, and Fallout 4 for three yonks!".

True, I like long games. If they have the gameplay to warrant it.

Kingdoms of Avocado doesn't. It has exactly two activities; 1) Go talk to person B, and 2) Go to point B and kill everything. At times they spice nr. 2 up with you having to pick up something at point B, but I won't honour it by calling it a separate activity when the main instinct in an RPG besides murdering everything with a health bar is picking up anything that glitters!

Those two activities can't carry the game for over 100 hours. It just can't possibly do that.

It's no exactly improved by the fact that there is no roleplaying in this supposed "Roleplaying" game. Alright, that's not completely true, at times you get to choose between being a dick or being a good guy. As in, you get two conversation options and pick one. I can't really call it roleplaying though, because your character has no character whatsoever, ironically. NPCs speak, and you can click on certain topics to mention them, or in certain situations you can make the choice between dickish and goodish.

You can buy a home, but it's just a place where you can have different crafting stations gathered in one place. You can't decorate anything, you never eat or drink, and you can't even sit down by the fire.

At the end of it all, imagine if the game had been, faffing about included, 20 or 30 hours long. I'd be writing about it as a fun, if a bit repetitive, action RPG that had an interesting story.

Instead, I'm writing about how it is a dull slog that completely drowns out the story by its boredom alone.

Hope I'll have the strength to finish the damn thing...