Woah, hold on!

Wahey, two updates back to back, how unprecedented! ...shut up

Here comes something that has been niggling at the back of my mind; standup comedians without any panache on stage.

You know the type; morons who just stand there and talk about some stuff, nothing funny at all, just wasting people's time.

How about you take all that shit with your therapist? That is, unless he killed himself to get away from all your bullshit!

When I get up on stage, I perform! I entertain! I put on a bloody show for the audience!

They didn't come there to sit there and listen to the random musings of some tired old bat going on about how she has trouble finding men, they came to see a show, something great, something hilarious!

So why the hell do some people seem dedicated to making the audience depressed instead?

Say what you will about all the big names in comedy these days, they can put on a bloody show! They have flair!

Business as per usual!

Y'know what really grinds my gears?

Plot holes!

You know, parts of the story in fiction that just don't add up.

When the Rebel Alliance manages to destroy the second Death Star in Star Wars VI, they've suddenly won completely! Never mind that huge imperial fleet completely dwarfing theirs.

Like Ackbar said; "We won't last long against those star destroyers!", so why were those star destroyers no longer a problem after the destruction of the death star?

It seems to be a symptom of the lack of ontological inertia. In essence, that's the notion that if you destroy whatever created something, that something will also be destroyed. Thus, if you kill the emperor, the entire empire vanishes into thin air.

That's not how the world fucking works! If my father dies, I don't instantly cease to exist!

Morons...

Is it really too much to ask that the creators of a movie or series actually think through what happens so that it makes sense?

Now, what REALLY grinds my gears is legions of fans instantly jumping in to defend their object of adoration at all cost!

They suddenly go like "Oh, but the emperor was doing his battle meditation, which made the imperial fleet much more effective, and without it they lost the battle!"...

Fuck off! That bloody "battle meditation" thingy wasn't invented until about twenty years after that movie was made!

Thank god you're here!

Okay, this time it wasn't my fault, honestly! I couldn't log into my account, so I couldn't update my blog, it's terrible!

Anyway, now I'll try to be back in business, and I've got a backlog of ideas that the stupid technology wouldn't let me post, so here goes another!

I'm finally done with the main portion of my essay on the causes of the second world war!

The strange thing about it all is that at some point you have to concede that you're actually done, but there never seems to be one of those "Alright, finished!" moments anywhere. Instead, I spent two days sporadically reading through it and just realized that "I guess that's about it, really". I've covered everything I said I'd cover, my information comes from a bunch of different sources and it's all well-written.

All that remains is to write conclusion and final discussion, and I'm finished!

Hopefully another update will be along tomorrow, if the tech doesn't fuck me over again...

Dammit!

One, I have contracted quite a severe case of viral inflammation of the upper respiratory channels. IE, a bad cold, AKA the man flu!

My mother has had it for over a week, so she's clearly infect me.

Oh, and I just got my gym card two days ago, and now I can't work out tomorrow as I planned because I'm ill! Dammit!

Two, during class on tuesday I happened to notice one of my classmates wore an engagement ring. Why is that interesting? Because it's the exact type of engagement ring that I want!

I keep being reminded that I'm in fact supposed to be a girl. That is the seventh time it's happened, and yes, I do keep count!

Back from the dead!

So, after a bit of a hiatus I'm back in action, having had quite alot of to think about but nothing I wanted to share.

The subject for today is cheap tricks in comedy.

Y'see, there are a few things that I somehow feel are beneath me as a comedian; tricks of the trade that, while they may actually get some laughs, appeal to the least civilized part of the human brain.

I don't like them. It's depressing that comedians can actually become well renowned while dealing exclusively in these, so I'm gonna be ripping on them extensively tonight!

First, there is the shouting. Why the hell are people so bloody convinced that if you're being loud, you're being funny? Stop fucking shouting! Just because you say it extremely loudly doesn't mean it's funny by default!

Somehow, I can understand exaggerating a point in order to make it amusing, but just shouting doesn't accomplish that in any way. If you make a bad joke, it doesn't get any better because you scream it, it just gets embarrassing, like a standup comedian giggling at his own jokes; the audience sits there wondering if they should laugh out of pity or just boo the moron off the stage!

Second, there are the references to genitalia. Oh, so she said vagina? Well then, she must be funny, ha ha ha ...shut the fuck up! It's just the most insipid way of trying to coax people into laughing; say penis, and you're funny, because we're not supposed to say penis! ...shut the fuck up!

Basing your entire routine on such words is to comedy what americans are to the rest of the world; dumber than a bag of wet mice and as subtle as a half-brick to the skull!

Third, the aforementioned giggling to yourself... don't you think the audience can figure out when to laugh? Do you have to tell them "Oh, I just said something funny! (you should laugh now!)"? Hey, time to wake up, all you're doing is looking like a self-centered prick who wouldn't recognize a good joke if it smacked them across the skull with a cricket bat!

It doesn't take long at all!

All in all, more games along the lines of the LEGO games should be made! There cannot be any lack of demand for co-op titles of that sort; where you play on the same screen without splitting it, together on the same console.

There are just so many online multiplayer games of all kinds, but utterly few ones for just two people on one couch.

If only more developers would follow the lead of Crystal Dynamics with their Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light. Well-crafted, thought out and requiring some creative thinking between two people to pull it off.

And no, those LoTR games made to cash in on the movies do not count, because they are crap!

The dishes! Oh, the dishes!

As usual, as I'm getting ready to do the dishes, I find the kitchen resembling Hiroshima after a particularly wild night out with his mates!

Why does it have to be so difficult to stack all the cutlery properly?

You put plates at the bottom, then dishes, then desert bowls! All of the knives, forks and similar implements should at all times be placed to the side of the plates! At no point whatsoever should they be played inbetween plates and/or dishes!

This isn't hard to do, it doesn't take alot of brain power; just arrange the dishes in such a way as to make it easier to wash, rinse and place them on the rack.

Much can be made of the choice of whether to have the dishes or the plates at the bottom, but no argument could ever be made in favour of mixing them! Just put them in some semblance of order!

When I worked at an electronics warehouse, I often had to go fetch items from different parts of the facility. If I needed to pick up something from section 5, section 62 and section 64, I wouldn't just go to section 62, then hop to section 5 and then go all the way back to 62.

Why, I'm sure you'll ask, is it that I can be so picky about this when my room looks like it was just run through by a monster truck. The answer is simple; that's the way I keep my room; I very seldom, if ever, cleam it completely, because I prefer to have it that way, and there is nothing forcing me to clean it.

The dishes, however, need to be washed constantly, that is something that I cannot get away from, and believe me, I would if I could. Therefore, I take pride in doing it well, efficiently and in a well structured and logical manner, just as I would any job that I did on a regular basis.

So just stack the damn dishes properly!

Tautology!

This is a linguistic feature that can bug me quite abit.

It is essentially when a term contains different words that mean the same thing.

For instance, why do people use the term "Advance warning"? There is no such thing as a retroactive warning; that would constitute gloating. Saying that the warning is in advance is redundant, since that's the only type of warning!

The worst type of tautology, however, is when people say things like "The cheapest price" or "The fastest speed".

A price can be high or low, it cannot be cheap! Cheap means "Has a low price", if the price is cheap then it means that the price has a low price. That's nonsensical!

I would write more, but I don't seem able to. It's really quite disconcerting, the way in which my brain isn't functioning today. It might have something to do with my changes in daily rhythm, but I can't shake the feeling that I might be going slightly mad...

I've done it again!

So, another performance has come to an end, and I must say I'm incredibly pleased with it.

I would say I am a real attention whore; I want to be seen, to be recognized, to get affirmation! Getting on the stage and entertaining is the perfect way of achieving it!

Y'see, when someone laughs at my jokes, they are instantly showing that what I'm doing is giving them enjoyment, and that's after all what I'm trying to accomplish. There is very little delay before I get the feedback, and there is also very little hidden appreciation; if they laugh it's because they liked the joke, if they don't then they most likely didn't.

I am very grateful for every wave of laughter, and I feel quite alot of affection towards the audience for it, as they are in many ways my benefactors.

I hope to be able to continue doing this for many years to come!

What happened to my crew?!

I find myself time and again annoyed at human behaviour.

Why is it that people always stand up five minutes before the train reaches the station? I mean, you aren't actually gaining anything, apart from annoying people by elbowing them and shoving your luggage in their faces!

Also, why can nobody wait for people to get off the fucking bus before getting on it?

Why are people so bloody upset about the use of profanity, going so far as saying someone is unintelligent or possesses a limited vocabulary because of it?

Surely, being able to use strong and colourful expressions is an important way of making one's point?

The very worst part is when people use silly faux-profanity instead, as if the important thing is the words themselves instead of the meaning behind them.

If you say "Fink" instead of "Fuck", then all you're doing is giving the same meaning to another word, you aren't actually doing anything better, you just look a twat!

Words are not evil! People can be evil, intentions can be evil, but words can't!

Immortal pundit!

I don't get why I've been making these posts, it's nothing you couldn't easily figure out by going to Wikipedia, or actually playing the games!

So, go on, play the games, now!